similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
