I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
