Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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