I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize