ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
