How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
