I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
