Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
