No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
