WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
