That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
