is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
