Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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