Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
