does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
