The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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