Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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