Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize