just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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