So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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