Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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