So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
