dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
