ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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