Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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