i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
