Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's blow job season.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
