idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
