On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
