i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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