When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
