and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
