yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
