I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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