I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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