Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
