I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize