just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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