why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize