she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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