Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Couch. On fire.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
