I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
