so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize