Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize