i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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