I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
