he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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