jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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