What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
