Define "chronic" masturbator.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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