two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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