MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
