We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
