One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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