420 ftw
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
