3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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