as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
