I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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