So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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