I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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