from now on my penis is your penis
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
