just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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