I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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