I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize