Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
