Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
