why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
