I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
