So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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