Kiss
Puke
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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