mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
