U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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