How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
