I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
