I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
