U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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