please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
