YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
