I wish I could punch you in the face.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
