Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
