There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
