i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
