alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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