he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
