Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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