Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize