it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
